still failing

so it has been months and months and years and years...but now i deal with high blood sugar. all because i cannot control what i put in my mouth. there are some people who think...why doesnt she just stop eating badly??? my answer...i dont know. i try and i try and i try. i get so pist at myself. i feel low. i hate myself. i feel like the biggest loser. ha! thats funny. biggest loser. haha. ok, so one year eight months ago my dr tells me i have high blood sugar. at first i was like yea, so....whatever. about eight months ago i went through all the testing again and find it is worse. i did a three week purge and it barely helped. :( how discouraging. how irritating. now, eight months later i am still in denial i guess. i eat and eat and eat. twice this week i had a bag of chips with dip for dinner. yummo. oi, then a candy bar or two for dessert. what a pig. soon i will be oinking. i am thinking about weight watchers again. i know it works, when i can keep doing it. do i really want to start this before the holidays. my mother decides to quit smoking...poof she does. she decides to cut tonic from her life and poof she does.... that is so not a trait i got from her. my father was an alcoholic, sigh. i have addictive personality or traits. :( i bought this fantastic book called sugar nation by jeff oconnell. well written. easily understood. yay :) but it scares me too. here is a small paragraph or statement that just makes me wonder...it is "so imagine if you were diagnosed with cancer and, in the midst of the terror and panic, the doctor offfered you a deal. change your diet and exercise and i can virtualy guarantee your survival."
derr
dumb-ass
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