Wow. Discovered a new guy, Paul McKenna. He hosts "I can make you thin." He has some ideas that I will try. I am looking fwd to trying some of them. What I cannot understand about myself is why do I eat...I eat because I like to, I want to. I don't feel like I am an emotional eater so I do have some soul searching. I just enjoy it. I want to eat. Like right now, I am not hungry, don't want food but maybe I should go buy a candy bar or get DQ. Just because I can??? I don't know about myself. So I will continue to watch his show, get his book and maybe this is someting I can do. Routines to do like tapping specific spots or squeezing my thumb and middle finger together...do the latter while thinking of eating something repulsive...then imagine you are eating that, squeezing fingers when craving comes. This may be hard for me as I want to eat, I enjoy eating so I really do not want to have the negative associations. But I must. Soon. So use repulsion to knock out compulsion.
But I did it , I joined a gym. I joined Planet Fitness today. It seems like it will be good. $15. a month, no commitment. I can quit whenever without a fee. I joined today but don't start until Thurs. at noon. To learn how to use the cardio equip. And they gave me a free t-shirt so I have something to wear. Yahoo!

Here I am , still not at the gym. I was hoping to go this week but had to work overtime all week. Next week I am on vacation and plan to start then. So of course I have not watched what I have eaten. Ricotta pie, cake, Dunkins, BK. Yikes.

Well it has been a while and I have not written anything. Why, because I am ashamed of myself. All I've done is eat and laze around. I so bad want to do good. What a bummer. Gym, I am so going to call them on Monday. I am sick of myself right now. Gross pig.

sick, doing nothing

I bought two late spring/summer dresses last night from Marshalls. They fit, but they fit a little too well...so I am hoping by the time I can wear them they will fit a little looser :)
Today went well. Bfast, lunch, dinner and three hershey kisses. So far anyway and it is almost nine pm.
Remembered to ride the bike tonight. Never went to the gym...very tired. Felt like I was hit by a truck by four pm.
Came home, slept, rested,,,aaahhh

So I type in this longish blog and I lost it somewhere....
I so forgot to ride the bike last night. sigh. So an hour tonight. Yahoo.
And I cannot belive it but last night Karen and I Went out to eat, all we really did was cry into our food over our pets, but without thinking we ordered cheesecake....I am pissed. then today Linda brings in carrot cake for me. What the hell. Why can't I say no....ggggrrr.
Frig I hate this crap. I really really really want to be comfortable this summer.......
Did not go to gym to check it out because Kris, dAve and I went for dinner....oh yea.
But I loved being with them both.

I am going to check out a gym tomorrow, I hope. The price is good, the location is good..we shall see.
It is Planet Fitness. Lisa mentioned it the other day and it seems worth checking out.
Time to ride the bike...

Well my first day back at work after nine lovely relaxing days. I did not eat wonderfully on my vaca, but I did eat better than usual. Also, I began exersizing. Well today I had a donut but I still rode the bike, thankfully. I wanted to ride ...
Also, I talked to Lisa. She is always inspirational and very helpful to me, especially just when I need it. As soon as I am done with my othere computer work I am going to check out gyms online. There has got to be a local one that is not too expensive. I hate that is costs money...I really do. I wish ...I don't know, I wish a lot of things.
I want to find this ab thing to exersize with so I do not hurt my neck with situps. Not that I like situps but I want to begin, even ten a day. Anything will help;, I guess.

Today, after my bike ride, I went to DQ. It was Dave's idea as I could not finish last nights as it was made wrong and I did not like it too much. I only ate half...sigh. That's it. No more to say today...

Today was Sat. STill is Sat. I so have a DQ blizzard in the freezer and I so wish I didn't. Oye. And late last night I divoured about 3/4 bag of the skinny, veggie wheat thins. And soon I am sure I will finish the bag then top it off with the ice cream. And a Snapple Apple. But at least I will be reading a book. I can't say it is a good book but I'll probably finish it anyway, while I am finishing my above mentioned snack.

i just ate m&m's. sigh. no stickwithitness...sigh, again.
New Hampshires slogan per David Letterman..."live free or die, oh just shoot me". That's how I feel, just shoot me. Then I could go in the hospital, be on an iv, not eat and lose weight. Yippee

Ouch....butt pain. I rode my bike for an hour today as I forgot to yesterday. There has got to be a softer seat to buy...and just what do people do for laundry? I mean I have been doing so much sweaty workout laundry and bra's. What do people like Lisa do, who work out everyday? I sure cannot affort to buy workout clothes. Especially if I do not stick to my plan. I really hope I do...however, life does have a way of taking over all my plans occaisonally.
I am so in love with the reality show "Biggest Loser". I watch it faithfully. I watch how hard it is for them to eat right and they exersice their butts off. Eight hours a day of exersice. Yikes. Sometimes the people who run the show offer 'temptations'. I feel that is horrible. I mean here are people struggling with all their heart and soal and all of a sudden there is candy and such to eat if they want. Sick. I guess it does help them get ready to be back in the real world but it is also a form of tourture. Today I watched someone hit 100 lb. weight loss. And supposedly this happened in ten weeks. I don't understand how but I guess just eating right and exersicing your butt off will do it. And they are losing healthily so if they continue with this life style change they should be ok. This week a temptation was offered in a vending machine way. One woman ate four different vending machine snacks, all bad, and still lost five lbs because she worked her butt off in the gym. They all also have trainers, Jillian and Bob. They are ruthless. I love them. They seem to know how hard it is for them. Also, tonight, the six remaining people went back to the hospital they started out at. They had the same blood work done as before and found out how good they are doing. How they have surpassed the loseing of 10 % and how good that was then losing even more. One of them, when they lost the 10%, their weight was 244 lbs. Now they are at 212. Wow.
Still no pastry for me. Six days....and six days of some exersice. Whoop whoop. It feels longer but that is fine...

I did good with eating today. Or not eating...two mini-bagels for bfast (and Imean mini), Uncle Charlies for lunch and I am going to be making steak and asparagas for dinner. Or maybe I can talk Dave into making it. Maybe if I wait long enough he'll get hungry and go make it himself. It is worth trying. Wait..I am hungry! And I have not rode the bike yet but I will because I want to!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Also, kudos to me. I drove right past the Cheesecake Factory today. Whoop whooop. But I did buy chips, bbq. To eat while watching the American Idol vote off. Here's hoping Kady, Kristy, Danny and Chikeze go tonight.

Today I actually wanted to ride the bike. I hope that soon the bike will help me not ache when I get up. Right now, even if I sit for only five min. my legs really hurt when I get up. I know people 20 years older than me and they don't have this problem. So I rode for another 30 min. I need a table and lamp near me when I ride.
I ate and ate today. Two oranges for bfast, KFC bowl for lunch, dunkin donuts muffin for dinner and DQ blizzard for dessert. Oh and five or six cookies for another snack. No water though. I keep forgetting...mabye tomorrow. sigh.

Here I am again, full. I did not have any pastries though, and I did ride the bike for 30 min, again. WhoopWhoop.
Today I did not have breakfast but I did have a texas toast grilled cheese sandwich, choc. frappe and chips. Yummers. Then for dinner a hamburger. Not too bad quantity wise, but quality sucks, I know. And I plan on having a bowl of cereal and maybe some cookies while watching David Letterman.
I am trying to down water. God it is soooo boring. I got about three oz. in today. Wait, I just chugged another few oz.
May tomorrow..be a better day...may you find love and laughter along the way... An old song by Donny and Marie. Too bad my key board does not have musical note keys.

Ok, so today (3-3) I did some eating. Not soooo bad but I most def. could have done better. I had oj when I got up (on vaca this week so it was about 10:00) then Dave and I used out gift cert. for Strawberry Faire rest. in Norwell. The food was horrible but the place was quaint. I had a piece of toasted cornbread, a hot cocoa, and a half of Cape Cod chicken salad on bulkie roll. The Cape Cod part is cranberries and walnut mixed in...I loved the cranberries but...oh well. So we went to the movies (great movie, Vantage Point) and I had half of a med. popcorn with no butter and a med. diet coke. And I came home and had a piece of toast. Mmmm. But I so rode the bike for 30 min. again today...with the last five going fast. In the middle of it I had to take off my sweat shirt. I threw it on the couch and Yo decided to 'put it on'. Very funny. I took a pic and it is on my blog now.
Got a call from my Dr. today. During my obese physical the other day they, of course, took blood. Well my cholesterol (sp) was sky high and I have to double my intake of simvastin (sp) (generic zocor or lipitor). Joy. So I am going to go online and see if I can find some foods to lower my cholesterol and foods to stay away from.

Well, I did it. I rode the bike for 30 min. but I went very slow for 25 min. I do not want sore knees tomorrow. But for the last five min. I pedaled a bit faster, worked up a sweat, yuck.
Kris and I went to the Plaza for a while. We did eat at Brighams. I had texas grilled cheese, three potato chips (yeah for me, only three), and a root beer float. No fries and hey, no pastry. Whoop whoop. Silly, I know, but I feel a bit productive and kinda proud.

I forgot to mention in all my ramblings that I am going to try to go about this by giving up one thing at a time. It may take forever but it sure is worth a try. My first things to totally give up is pastry. But I have a question, are doughnuts pastries? :)

obese?

The typo is on purpose. My funny way of saying I obsess over being obese. HA! Very funny.
I find it unbelievable that Iam obese. I had my annual physical three days ago and that is what my lovely Dr. says. I am obese. I do not feel obese. I must be in denial or something. I mean I Know I am overweight but isn't obese someone who is like 400 lbs or something? Yikes. Sherry, with all her sherry-isms cannot say obese. She says obeast...hits the nail on the head doncha think?
I get angry thinking about all the people who made money inventing delicious foods, like Devil Dogs. And how dare my neighborhood bakery even open its doors. And the inventor of MacDonald's should be shot! And carbs? Who the hell invented carbs?
See, it is not really my fault I am obese. It seems everyone wants me to be (except my Dr.). I mean if they didn't want me to be they wouldn't have put all this this wonderful edible 'stuff' in the world. Right?
My weight loss journey, and I call it a journey because there are flat roads to travel where everything is boring (fruit, salad, water), there are hills to struggle up when I really, really, NEED that pastry or ice cream (DQ just opened for the season), and the down hill journey is when I run, literally, to my car to drive to the bakery.
I just had an epiphany. MacDonald's is a five minute drive, DQ a three minute drive, bakery a two minute drive. Maybe I need to move to where there is no yummy food. Is there anywhere? I have some research to do.
I digress, my weight loss journey began when Kris was about one. I was going through the beginnings of a long divorce (yet another journey) and I never had an appetite. However, Richard Simmons and I worked out together in my living-room everyday. Sweatin to the Oldies...loved it. Loved Richard. And I lost weight, toned muscle and felt great. But I was not eating healthy. I have never really liked healthy foods nor do I enjoy making healthy meals. Give me butter, give me salt! My healthy breakfast was a bowl of Frosted Flakes. Yum. (even now, 18 years later, my fav. breakfast is Fruity Pebbles).
Then my divorce became final and I began to eat...is their such thing as relief eating?
I still did some exercise. I met Dave and we use to walk the beach. It was a total of six miles and I really enjoyed myself. I felt good. So it did take a while for the weight to creep up. Then I found I was too tired or too busy to exercise so I stopped. 17 years later I am still too tired to exersize and now I am obese. Yes, obese.
There is not a psychological trama that happened in my childhood. I was never deprived food. I do not only over eat when I am sad, lonely, happy or excited. I always over eat. I enjoy the act of eating. I enjoy tasting. I love the caucopheny(i have to spell check that one for next time) of flavors zinging around my mouth. mmmmm food. I enjoy the feeling of food, maybe the way an alchoholic enjoys his first drink of the day or a cigarette junkie enjoys their first inhale. I actually moan when I taste something wonderful. (anyone been to the Cheesecake Factory lately?) Often I will not finish what I am eating as I know there is more to come in an hour or two.
I have dieted (i know, not a diet but a change of life style) off and on for many years. Weight Watchers works. I am proof. If you can stay on it. I always do so good, then lose it. On one of my many WW tries I actually lost 45 lbs., felt great, loved myself yadda yadda yadda, but then if I had to count another point I was going to pull my hair out. And I so do NOT believe that eating healthy is a habit because for six months I ate healthy, lost the 45 lbs, then immediatly went back to my 'real' eating habits. And gained 60. Yahoo!
Once, years ago, my Dr. ( a different one then) sent me to a nutritionist. HA. She actually wanted me to incorproate bananas and beets into my daily diet. Oh and fish. Well I absolutely hate all of them so that was a no go. Sigh.
I have tried the grapefruit diet, lasted about a week. I tried the Adkins diet, lasted about a week. I tried the Curves for Women diet. That was a six week program. I lost 17lbs. Great, right? The whole time I was on that diet all I could think of was splurging (at the bakery) when the six weeks was up. And I did. And guess what! I gained that weight back + some, of course.
So here I am, beginning again. I feel determined this time (yeah, ok, like all the other times too). I want this to work. I need this to work. I am hoping to begin by eating in moderation. And riding the exersize bike, starting with ten minutes a day. We shall see.
Lisa says when she began (she's lost 100 lbs. more power to her. yahoo) she did not tell anyone. She just plugged away each and every day. And I remember when she finally told me, she was totally into her new way of life and loving it. I want the same. I always have been an envious type of person. :)
So today I have had two pieces of honey oat toast with I can't believe it's not butter, a bowl (lg) of Lucky Charms with skim milk (i only drink skim, i am so proud of that). And it is after two pm and I am not hungry. But wait, I am thinking about food so I will be hungry in a minute.
I remember when I craved BLT's for two weeks straight, and had at least one a day for two weeks straight. I also believe I have an addictive personality. Joy.
I will try to enter a blog daily to write what has happened food and exersize wise. Luck to me...