Ok, I never knew I was such a horrible blogger. I almost never remember to blog. Man oh man. But last Sunday weighed in and had lost another 7 lbs. Yahoo...eating has become easier but I am still always craving junk, junk and more junk. I have been eating some berries and two pieces of dark chocolate each day. Yummers.

8 pounds. That is how much I lost this week. Yahoo for me...I am so psyked. I was worried that it wasn't working because I was eating so much meat...but it did. Thankfully. And my measurements...I lost two inches in my waist. one and a half in my stomache and one in my hips...I'll take it. I love it. Although I am not feeling very well today. I feel very tired and not hungry for even my regular meal....I just don't want meat or eggs or veggies...but I forced down the 'fake shephards pie' and beef stew sans potato. Have no idea what I will have for dinner. At this point (620pm) I want nothing but I must eat...

Wow, I have not published since June....lazy. I actaully forgot all about it. I went on to Beth's "Shades of Purple" blog and was reminded of mine. Well since June I have tried and failed two different well known diets and one on my own. Plus I tried a portion control diet. HA! And I just gave up, again. I mean I really went through a down time because I felt I was a failure. I mean why can't I just control what I put in my mouth. Millions and millions of people are able to do this...but not me. I always think that people look at me and feel pity and gross.(ness?) It made it hard for me to go out in public. I did not want to see my family. I only wanted to watch tv, read and sleep. So I did, for about three months. Then I had a dr. appt. that made me feel real, real bad. So bad that for a week I went to the bakery way too much...ate way too much junk and honestly, saw no veggies or fruit for a loooooonng time. Besides coronary artery disease there is also acid reflux...joy. So it is really time to do something....and I began last Monday, Sept. 8th. I found a great book called "The Idiot Proof Diet". It is a wonderfully honest book. Some of the things the two authors say could have come from my mouth. So for six days now I have had no junk, none, and no diet pepsi or any tonic, and very light amount of carbs....no breads, pastas, cereal, milk, juice, fruit, jam or anything like that. I have eaten and eaten and eaten veggies and cheeses and meats upon meats upon meats. I have not been hungry, but the cravings...oh my god. That has been bad. Chocolate, diet pepsi, chips, chocolate, toast with jam, spaghetti, chocolate, bagels, muffins, english muffins, chocolate, candy bars, cereal, jelly beans, and oh yeah, chocolate. So it has been real real bad but at the same time I am so sick of meat....and veggies...and eggs. I am going to have to come up with some real cool recipies....real soon. And tomorrow is weigh in. Here is an exerpt from the book that helped me begin my diet....something that I needed really badly at the time..I read this on day four of my diet "not feeling 100% is an obstacle that you just have to crash through, which you will, any second now, on your path to slimness. And once you've crashed through it, it's gone forever." Here's hoping...but what a concept! and also day four in the book (bible) ..."you aren't feeling rough because you've done something terrible to yourself. You're feeling rough because you're detoxing from all the things that are really bad for you." Another great, yet obvious concept. Makes me think. Now day three was real bad for me, queazy, headache...day four was worse...queazy, headache and body aches....so now I can equate dieting with the flu...so on day four I not only read the above but I also read day five (yes, I read ahead) Here goes " Remember, it doesn't get any worse than this. From now on, the only way is up. Also remember, we've said this before, but we'll just say it again-you're not feeling bad because you're doing something terrible to yourself. You're feeling bad because you're detoxing from all the sugar, caffeine, and processed rubbish tha was clogging up your system and making you fat and unhealthy. Bear with it. If you're anything lke us, today might very well bet the day when you have an overwhelming urge to give up. Your mind starts playing funny tricks on you:"i'm fine as I am," it tells you. "So I'm on the pudgy side So what? I'm happy. life's too short for these kinds of sacrifices. and I want a cookie" It is important that you see this for what it is "a trick" Self sabotage, to be precise- a talent most serial dieters have in spades. It's time to knock it on the head once and for all. If you were happy with the way you looked, you wouldn't have picked up this book. Thats the truth of it. The other truth is that you've nearly completed week one, and that with this way of eating, as with others, your body is reprogramming itself every day, evey hour, every minute. Soon it will barely register irritation (or furious rage) at not having sugary snacks shoved down its gullet every half an hour. so stick with us" LOVE IT. It has helped me through the last two days, greatly. I read that when I was almost in tears ready to give up...and then, or since then, I have been ok...not great...but ok. I still think about food all the time. And in time I can induldge...a bit. I hope. So I'll be back tomorrow with my weight loss. Now I have not told many people I am dieting...just that I am adding healthy foods into my life :)

wow it's been a while. Of course I have not been doing anything right, except walking in place in front of the tv for 45 min. four morn. a week. I guess that is better than nothing except I feel crappy about it. Failure.

Well I have completely blown it food wise. Eating right, veggies, fruit...what are they? I am still exercising four times a week though. At least that is something. Right????? I refuse to obsess over this hitch in my life (although it sounds like i am). I am happy and I love to eat. I am miserable when dieting and all I do is think about food. Although I do know I should watch a bit what I eat. I had three pieced of bday cake. And it was all good. :) Then at Terry's bridal shower I had three mini pasteries. Mmmm mmmm good!
No work tomorrow. Memorial Day. Yahoo!!! Three day weekend.

Back again, after having lost my address and all :)
So much has happened. For one, I seem to have lost control of my eating habits, again. In the past two days I have eaten fried chicken, fries, onion rings, pizza, ice cream cake, Mac Donald's, a muffin, cookies, candy bar, chips...yikes!
I am hoping to get back on track tomorrow...like the saying goes "Tomorrow is another day."
I have been keeping up with my exercise, thankfully. I actually want to work out. What's up with that???
Mom sent me a few web pages about diet and blogging. dietgirl.org, dropthefork.net and diseaseproof.com. I have them all in my fav's and hope they help me, somehow...
With all the renovations going on all my food tastes like dust (plaster and sawdust) anyhow. But does it stop me? Nope.

Once again it's been a while.
I have been doing ok...very irritated at myself...I ate Friday night at Friendly's with Linda and Kat, then at mom's on Sat. One half of a sub with turkey, roast beef, bacon and cheese. No mayo..whoop! Then a brownie, lemon tart and these disgusting nilla wafer snaker cakes...yuck. (thanks mike) But I ate them...my choice. I think in my very first blog I was irritated with the fact that there was delicious foods and fast foods. I have been craving a donut...???
Any how I came home and did an hour on the bike and 50 crunches...yahoo.
I feel miserable with my self control. Absolutely miserable. I am not a fun person to be around and I don't want to be around anyone...and I hate the fact that I have to eat fruits and veggies every single day for the rest of my life. What a boring life that is...

Today, crunches only. It is wednesday afterall. Ate well today but did have a funky fanabla, skim milk and splender...was sooooo good.
Had a Jenny S'more bar. OMG it was so good and melt in your mouth yummy. Last night, on the menu and in the book, I ate the brownie, cut in half lengthwize spread with jam and sandwiched in was two tsp low fat vanilla ice cream. mmmmmmmm

It's been a few days but once again I kept forgetting to blog...how that is possible I don't know. I am down three more lbs...yahoo...only 61 to go. How the hell did I let myself get here???
I feel I am ready to quit the gym and branch out on my own :) I have just begun yesterday and have done a good workout at home both days. I may take wed and weekends off still, or maybe not. We shall see how I feel.
Got a couple of great cookbooks from Jenny. Love them...
The good news is the meals fill me up, most of them anyhow.
Tried TaeBo tonight. OMG it was so hard. I cannot believe it. I only did about a half hour then the bike for another half hour.
Christina has begun to really eat well and exercise. Good for her. But what made me feel good is she said I was her inspiration. I, for some reason, feel good about that. She has been doing awesome...
Tomorrow is another day.

Two days since I posted...I remembered :)
I have had a really tough week. Tues. I could have eaten anyone out of house and home. I wanted six candy bars, a giant hamburger, on the grill, fries and DQ. But instead I had the half of peanut butter sandwich. God, best sandwich eva...
The rest of the week was eh..until Fri. when I had the 99. Yikes, I inhaled cheese and crackers, a chicken breast and a scoop of mashed...mmmmmmm and chocolate yogurt covered pretzels and a real hot chocolate. I was in heaven, then immediatly in hell. The overfullness, the guilt, the anger and the regret...all over food. What the Hell! And I didn't go to the gym Fri. as on Thurs. I was in a bad mood (Linda helped me by equating the feeling with like just getting through the need/want of a ciggarette). That helped. I was so miserable all day. Horrible. So I said I deserve a day off of the gym. Then to gorge Fri. night and today, no gym. No dog park (too rainy, all day). Hardly any movement...:(
Maybe tomorrow, maybe not!
But I did follow Jenny all day today anyway. And it is nine pm and I still have food to eat. That
is good.
May tomorrow be a better day...may I find love and laughter along the way. Memories of Donny and Marie.

gggrrr, what a very irritating day. everyone pissed me off, everything pissed me off. I am just so mad that I cannot eat what I want when I want...sucks. Why is the weight so easy to put on and so hard to take off? Stupid question but I still wonder. It is so hard. All I want to do is eat and eat and eat. I came home from work craving peanut butter so I had 1/2 of a peanut butter sandwich. And I feel guilty about it. Good but guilty. I hate these type of days.
I have already decided to not go to the gym tomorrow morning. I will go for a walk over the weekend instead. I just cannot even think of getting up early to go right now. I went this morn. and it did go by fast but at the same time it felt like I was moving through water.

week 1

In one week I lost 6.8 lbs. Yea for me...but at the same time, it has been so very hard and miserable that I was pissed it wasn't 20 lbs. Unrealistic, I know, but still a bummer. Everyone I told, mostly at work, was so very happy for me etc....and of course I will contine on this hard and arduous pace. But I hate it. Hopefully it will all become second nature and all will be well. Sigh.
I enjoy the Jenny food, thankfully, and today, after talking to a Jenny consultant, I found out how to order a Funky to make it 'fit' into my 'plan'. So even though I had the Funky, and enjoyed it, I feel guilty. And then I wonder, will this be how I spend the rest of my life??? Eating so wonderfully healthy, working out four times a freaking week. And to think I am not only doing this to lose weight but also to be healthy. To get my heart back into shape and get rid of the coronary artery disease. Joy. And that irritates me too.
Yesterday, Tues., I was in a bad, slow, groggy mood all day. I got up at 530, went to gym, went to work and almost couldn't stand it all. I was moving so slow, like I was under water...what is up with that?
Today, a gym free day, was good for eating...but I hardly moved...oh well. But is sure felt good to rest, to sleep late.

getting ready to finish week one

As I am getting ready to finish my first week on Jenny I have decided to list foods I have eaten and both liked and disliked.
* means I liked it.
Breakfasts:
French Toast
*Frosted Oats cereal
*Sunshine Sandwich
*Blueberry Muffin
Oatmeal Breakfast Square
Silver Dollar Pancakes and vEggie SAusage
Lunch:
*Beef Chow Mein
Southwestern Style Chicken Burrito
Chicken Gumbo Soup
Cheesy Enchilada
Dinner:
*Chicken Carbonara
*Meatloaf with BBQ Sause
*Macaroni & cheese
*Mesquite Chicken
*Penne Pasta
sNACKS:
aNYTIME baR
*sMMORES bAR
cHEESE cURLS
*pOPCORN
*tOFEE bITES
*cHOC. cAKE
whoops, has caps locked...oh well, not retyping...:)
Anyhow, I can't wait to weigh in tomorrow night and pick out my foods for next week. I still have to have lunch and dinner today and all three tomorrow to see what else I do like or not like.

Yesterday Linda and I went for a two mile walk. That was nice, especially as it was nice out. It did get cold fast though. Was talking to Lisa a bit after my walk and it was 50 here and 75 in Franklin. Wow what a difference.
Did very well today, again, on Jenny. It helps that I like most of the foods. Tonight I get to have Penne with Marinara. Yummers. I had a salad with grilled chicken, green peppers and some feta with fat free rasp. vin. dressing. My first meal that was not Jenny. And it was wonderful. It makes me think I will go buy the makings for a salad but then again that would take away the deliciousness of getting one when I go out. HHhhhhhmmmm. What to do, what to do.
Then after the salad I worked out at the gym. I did my usual 10 whole minuted on the alyptical, and burned 150 cal. on the bike (did a 3.0 incline at 3.5 and it felt good) then used three ab machines...one of which is build almost like a chair except you cannot sit. You put your feet on what would be the sides of the chair, you support yourself with your arms on the arms of the chair and you then dangle your feet and pull both legs up, knees first. I actually did that 10 times. Wow and ow... and I did the situp machine (not only do real situps hurt my neck but so does the machine???) and a waist turning machine (my fav.).
So anyhow, after a week of being on Jenny and not cheating and also going to the gym four days and walking one day I feel pretty good about myself. Although I am getting pretty hungry right now waiting for Dave to get home from work.
Tomorrow is an exercize free day. Maybe even a read on the couch all day day. :)

ok, so I've joined Jenny Craig. A lot of money but so far it is good. I like the food and do not find myself hungry but it sure is hard to get rid of the cravings. All I've been thinking about is chocolate. And tomorrow is our spring buffet...nothing for me...and then in May I am going out with Linda and Eileen (to talk to dead folks) and we are suppose to have nachos and marguritas...? Whatever...and I am also going out with Karen to celebrate our birthdays, to Christos...more yummy food. Sigh...but I have done so good for three days...kept up with the gym, have not cheated on my diet. Yahoo for me. But listen to this...I signed up with Craig at the gym for him to teach me a lower body/abs routine...I show up at our appointed time and he acted like he wanted nothing to do with me. He brought me to the abs room and had me lie on a mat and showed me how to do crunches, 50 a day. No machines, no nothing. Then he askes how old I am and I said 40 ( only lied by a year) and he said "I am 40 too, there's no excuse" What the hell does that mean. I was so pissed. So when I told that to Andrea she said she would teach me the machines and I met her tonight and she did teach me. I was psyked...I learned three or four different ab machines...and one really hurts...but it hurts good.
So anyway, it is finally all coming together...and I am really hoping for a loss of 30 lbs. by mid August. I can do it, it hurts and I sweat way too much and my fact is way too red but that is ok. I can do it.
When I joined Jenny they asked if I had anyone to support me and I said yes, my sister. They were very happy to hear I had someone to stand behind me 100% of the way...I am lucky. And I really should not complain.

So I finally did it. I joined Jenny Craig today. I am so hoping this works. It seems really good and also really helpful and supportive. Here's hoping.
The gym went well this morning. Ten minutes on the alyptical, burned 150 calories on the tred and 50 on the bike.
I made an appt. to learn the abs machines tomorrow night. Joy.
Cn I , Will I be comfortable in a bathing suit this summer? ONly time will tell.

On Fri. I was suppose to go to the gym...but I woke up with a headache, my stomache was not right and my ankles hurt so I said nope, went back to bed. Slept till 6. Awesome feeling. Woke up better, still had headache and ankles still hurt but....
So Iwas going to work out today and guess what, headache...again. So resting and of course eating...
I forget if I metnioned to myself that that I actually got up to a run on the tredmill on Thurs. and that could be why my ankles hurt....hhhhhhmmmm

I cannot even remember when I wrote last...but I took the weekend off of the gym and it felt soooo good and relaxed. aaaaaahhhh. I am still not on a good eating plan...but I have faith that will come.
So then I began this week at the gym on Mon. at 5 AM and again Tues. at 530 AM. Very bad day Tues. Too tight pants, almost fell...very sluggish...took today off and will go both Thurs and Fri. off. I almost seem to be wanting to go....am I ill.
Watched finale of Biggest Loser. What an accomplishment they have each achieved. Man, some of them looked great. Some of them lost upwards of 100 lbs. Amazing. perserverance...will power...the want to do it...the need to do it...a miracle...i fell sick right now thinking about what a failure i am in this aspect of life. a wuss. a friggen spaghetti noodle all cooked, soft and gooey. that's me. Why do I feel so out of control of every aspect of eating. Why can I not just say that this is it...I am going to eat right from now on. I've seen my mother quit smoking much more easily that it is for me to eat right. Although she is the exception. I have known many people to quit smoking and she is the only one who did great with no cheating and handled it very impressively. Me, handling eating right, not going so well.
Kraft foods has some great 'meals' that would work well for lunch and they are ok. Some Ritz crackers, a couple pieces of turkey, cubes of cheese, grapes, red peppers with ranch dressing on the side and 100 cal. pack for dessert. Sounds great. Now to just actually get them and pack them for lunch. And then not to go across the street and buy a Snickers or a Devil Dog or a bag of chips... sigh. Now I am hungry.

I had a lot of fun completing my previous blog, even though it mentions nothing about food or exercise. I will say though, I ate chips and dip while doing it. My weekend off of the gym was nice and relaxing but tomorrow (mon.) I hope to be there by five am again.
Talked to Lisa this morn as she was on her way to the gym. Such dedication. I am envious of her enthusiasm as I have none. Sigh.

Fun idea from Beth. :)

MY NAME
TO DAVE

I LOVE YELLOW, A HAPPY COLOR
aaaahh, BILLY
LOVED MEATLOAF FOREVA
FANTASTIC MOVIE, ALSO LOVED ENTRAPMENT

LOOKS LIKE I'LL READ MYSELF TO DEATH
I WILL TRY ANYTHING ONCE, EVEN MOVING TO AUSTRALIA
LOVE THIS SHOW. LOVE THE PEOPLE

On Fri. (yesterday) I was at the gym at 5:05 AM. Unbelievable. I still cannot believe I did it and really how easy it was (not the workout, ouch, pain, sweat) but getting up and getting there. Unfortunately I went to bed at midnight Thurs. night so I was very tired all day Fri. then stayed up till 1:00 AM. 21 hours up. I am taking the weekend off of the gym though.
I still have not regulated my eating habits yet. There is still a lot of junk food in my daily intake. Today I had a huge bagel with gobs of cream cheese, 16 oz. 1% milk (Dave could not find skim at store, silly man did not realize fat free was skim), chips and dip for lunch and a plate load of pasta with bread from bakery for dinner. I have not had dessert yet, but rest assured, I will. (from the bakery of course) And I'll probably have a drink too.
So anyhow my first full week at the gym went well. I went the four times I'd hoped. But has it only been a week and a half since I've started going.???????????????????????
I forget if I have mentioned that in May a new wii game is coming out, called wii fit or wii fittness...I am going to try it. I think. I wish there was a way of trying before buying.

Well I have been going to the gym consistantly. Once I am there I am ok, sweaty and in pain but dealing...but then I leave. And the pain really starts. When will I be able to walk normally again? And I had the hardest time today, working out. I burned 150 cal. on the tred. but only 50 on the bike and I did the alyptical (sp) for about 5 min. Yikes.
Yestereday I worked till 4, went to gym, got home at 530, met Christina at work by 550 (yes I showered and cared for pups in less than 20 min.). We went to workshop in Easton and got home at 915. What a long day. So today, got out of work at 340, worked out, home by 515, dishes, laundry, sort mail, answer email, care for dogs and collapse. Tomorrow, Wed., I am taking a break from the gym. I am going to work till 6 (closing for Sue), coming home, cooking steak and collapsing with a good book (still reading the Alpine series). I am hoping to get to the gym by 530 am Thurs. morn. I like the idea of getting it over with. My eating is still bad. I try, then I try harder, then I fail. I do good until I get hungry...then I eat whatver I have. The unfortunate part is that what I have is usually not good for me. I just wish I liked fruit and veggies. Sigh and sigh again.

http://photobucket.com/mediadetail/?media=http%3A%2F%2Fi298.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fmm278%2FGlitterDeb%2FDeb%2FDeb.gif&searchTerm=deb&pageOffset=0

went to gym again yesterday...same sweaty story...:)
Today the front of the bottom part of my legs hurt so bad just to move...hopefully that will stop soon. Boy exercising can be frustrating and painful. I like many I am sure, wish it were a faster, easier, less painful process. SUCKS
Eating is also not fun. I ate like a pig today, felt constantly hungry. Sigh. It will come, i know it will.

Today I finally did it. I went to the gym. A 60 yr. old guy, Phil, taught me the basics of the tredmill, alypitical (sp) and bike. He said to burn 300-400 cal. four times a week to lose weight doing cardio. Well today I only burned 250 and I thought I was going to die. I was sweating so much (yuck) and I was a bit light headed. He told me to cool down a bit and I thought I had , until I stepped off the tred. I did not do the alypitical today. Just tred and bike. Next time I go, tomorrow, I plan on asking someone how to use one of the ab machines thingys. So I hope to get the cardio in then the abs on each visit for now. Phil said if I burn 1600 cal. the whole week that is like going one day without eating. Sounds good to me. He also said to expect to be hungry when you are done (i was starved) but I should try to stay away from carbs as much as possible. I came home and ate 2 pc. toast with I can't.....butter and a bowl of rasin bran crunch. Total carbs. Sigh.
It sure is hard work to burn off even one calorie. Yet they make good for you stuff a bit high in cal. For example. ff strawberry yogurt is 200 cal. So you eat disgusting food worth 200 cal then have to work out for almost an hour(at least i do) to work off a food item that was yucky to begin with. Whateva. It took me an hour to work off 250 cal. Boy do I have my work cut out for me.

Wow. Discovered a new guy, Paul McKenna. He hosts "I can make you thin." He has some ideas that I will try. I am looking fwd to trying some of them. What I cannot understand about myself is why do I eat...I eat because I like to, I want to. I don't feel like I am an emotional eater so I do have some soul searching. I just enjoy it. I want to eat. Like right now, I am not hungry, don't want food but maybe I should go buy a candy bar or get DQ. Just because I can??? I don't know about myself. So I will continue to watch his show, get his book and maybe this is someting I can do. Routines to do like tapping specific spots or squeezing my thumb and middle finger together...do the latter while thinking of eating something repulsive...then imagine you are eating that, squeezing fingers when craving comes. This may be hard for me as I want to eat, I enjoy eating so I really do not want to have the negative associations. But I must. Soon. So use repulsion to knock out compulsion.
But I did it , I joined a gym. I joined Planet Fitness today. It seems like it will be good. $15. a month, no commitment. I can quit whenever without a fee. I joined today but don't start until Thurs. at noon. To learn how to use the cardio equip. And they gave me a free t-shirt so I have something to wear. Yahoo!

Here I am , still not at the gym. I was hoping to go this week but had to work overtime all week. Next week I am on vacation and plan to start then. So of course I have not watched what I have eaten. Ricotta pie, cake, Dunkins, BK. Yikes.

Well it has been a while and I have not written anything. Why, because I am ashamed of myself. All I've done is eat and laze around. I so bad want to do good. What a bummer. Gym, I am so going to call them on Monday. I am sick of myself right now. Gross pig.

sick, doing nothing

I bought two late spring/summer dresses last night from Marshalls. They fit, but they fit a little too well...so I am hoping by the time I can wear them they will fit a little looser :)
Today went well. Bfast, lunch, dinner and three hershey kisses. So far anyway and it is almost nine pm.
Remembered to ride the bike tonight. Never went to the gym...very tired. Felt like I was hit by a truck by four pm.
Came home, slept, rested,,,aaahhh

So I type in this longish blog and I lost it somewhere....
I so forgot to ride the bike last night. sigh. So an hour tonight. Yahoo.
And I cannot belive it but last night Karen and I Went out to eat, all we really did was cry into our food over our pets, but without thinking we ordered cheesecake....I am pissed. then today Linda brings in carrot cake for me. What the hell. Why can't I say no....ggggrrr.
Frig I hate this crap. I really really really want to be comfortable this summer.......
Did not go to gym to check it out because Kris, dAve and I went for dinner....oh yea.
But I loved being with them both.

I am going to check out a gym tomorrow, I hope. The price is good, the location is good..we shall see.
It is Planet Fitness. Lisa mentioned it the other day and it seems worth checking out.
Time to ride the bike...

Well my first day back at work after nine lovely relaxing days. I did not eat wonderfully on my vaca, but I did eat better than usual. Also, I began exersizing. Well today I had a donut but I still rode the bike, thankfully. I wanted to ride ...
Also, I talked to Lisa. She is always inspirational and very helpful to me, especially just when I need it. As soon as I am done with my othere computer work I am going to check out gyms online. There has got to be a local one that is not too expensive. I hate that is costs money...I really do. I wish ...I don't know, I wish a lot of things.
I want to find this ab thing to exersize with so I do not hurt my neck with situps. Not that I like situps but I want to begin, even ten a day. Anything will help;, I guess.

Today, after my bike ride, I went to DQ. It was Dave's idea as I could not finish last nights as it was made wrong and I did not like it too much. I only ate half...sigh. That's it. No more to say today...

Today was Sat. STill is Sat. I so have a DQ blizzard in the freezer and I so wish I didn't. Oye. And late last night I divoured about 3/4 bag of the skinny, veggie wheat thins. And soon I am sure I will finish the bag then top it off with the ice cream. And a Snapple Apple. But at least I will be reading a book. I can't say it is a good book but I'll probably finish it anyway, while I am finishing my above mentioned snack.

i just ate m&m's. sigh. no stickwithitness...sigh, again.
New Hampshires slogan per David Letterman..."live free or die, oh just shoot me". That's how I feel, just shoot me. Then I could go in the hospital, be on an iv, not eat and lose weight. Yippee

Ouch....butt pain. I rode my bike for an hour today as I forgot to yesterday. There has got to be a softer seat to buy...and just what do people do for laundry? I mean I have been doing so much sweaty workout laundry and bra's. What do people like Lisa do, who work out everyday? I sure cannot affort to buy workout clothes. Especially if I do not stick to my plan. I really hope I do...however, life does have a way of taking over all my plans occaisonally.
I am so in love with the reality show "Biggest Loser". I watch it faithfully. I watch how hard it is for them to eat right and they exersice their butts off. Eight hours a day of exersice. Yikes. Sometimes the people who run the show offer 'temptations'. I feel that is horrible. I mean here are people struggling with all their heart and soal and all of a sudden there is candy and such to eat if they want. Sick. I guess it does help them get ready to be back in the real world but it is also a form of tourture. Today I watched someone hit 100 lb. weight loss. And supposedly this happened in ten weeks. I don't understand how but I guess just eating right and exersicing your butt off will do it. And they are losing healthily so if they continue with this life style change they should be ok. This week a temptation was offered in a vending machine way. One woman ate four different vending machine snacks, all bad, and still lost five lbs because she worked her butt off in the gym. They all also have trainers, Jillian and Bob. They are ruthless. I love them. They seem to know how hard it is for them. Also, tonight, the six remaining people went back to the hospital they started out at. They had the same blood work done as before and found out how good they are doing. How they have surpassed the loseing of 10 % and how good that was then losing even more. One of them, when they lost the 10%, their weight was 244 lbs. Now they are at 212. Wow.
Still no pastry for me. Six days....and six days of some exersice. Whoop whoop. It feels longer but that is fine...

I did good with eating today. Or not eating...two mini-bagels for bfast (and Imean mini), Uncle Charlies for lunch and I am going to be making steak and asparagas for dinner. Or maybe I can talk Dave into making it. Maybe if I wait long enough he'll get hungry and go make it himself. It is worth trying. Wait..I am hungry! And I have not rode the bike yet but I will because I want to!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Also, kudos to me. I drove right past the Cheesecake Factory today. Whoop whooop. But I did buy chips, bbq. To eat while watching the American Idol vote off. Here's hoping Kady, Kristy, Danny and Chikeze go tonight.

Today I actually wanted to ride the bike. I hope that soon the bike will help me not ache when I get up. Right now, even if I sit for only five min. my legs really hurt when I get up. I know people 20 years older than me and they don't have this problem. So I rode for another 30 min. I need a table and lamp near me when I ride.
I ate and ate today. Two oranges for bfast, KFC bowl for lunch, dunkin donuts muffin for dinner and DQ blizzard for dessert. Oh and five or six cookies for another snack. No water though. I keep forgetting...mabye tomorrow. sigh.

Here I am again, full. I did not have any pastries though, and I did ride the bike for 30 min, again. WhoopWhoop.
Today I did not have breakfast but I did have a texas toast grilled cheese sandwich, choc. frappe and chips. Yummers. Then for dinner a hamburger. Not too bad quantity wise, but quality sucks, I know. And I plan on having a bowl of cereal and maybe some cookies while watching David Letterman.
I am trying to down water. God it is soooo boring. I got about three oz. in today. Wait, I just chugged another few oz.
May tomorrow..be a better day...may you find love and laughter along the way... An old song by Donny and Marie. Too bad my key board does not have musical note keys.

Ok, so today (3-3) I did some eating. Not soooo bad but I most def. could have done better. I had oj when I got up (on vaca this week so it was about 10:00) then Dave and I used out gift cert. for Strawberry Faire rest. in Norwell. The food was horrible but the place was quaint. I had a piece of toasted cornbread, a hot cocoa, and a half of Cape Cod chicken salad on bulkie roll. The Cape Cod part is cranberries and walnut mixed in...I loved the cranberries but...oh well. So we went to the movies (great movie, Vantage Point) and I had half of a med. popcorn with no butter and a med. diet coke. And I came home and had a piece of toast. Mmmm. But I so rode the bike for 30 min. again today...with the last five going fast. In the middle of it I had to take off my sweat shirt. I threw it on the couch and Yo decided to 'put it on'. Very funny. I took a pic and it is on my blog now.
Got a call from my Dr. today. During my obese physical the other day they, of course, took blood. Well my cholesterol (sp) was sky high and I have to double my intake of simvastin (sp) (generic zocor or lipitor). Joy. So I am going to go online and see if I can find some foods to lower my cholesterol and foods to stay away from.

Well, I did it. I rode the bike for 30 min. but I went very slow for 25 min. I do not want sore knees tomorrow. But for the last five min. I pedaled a bit faster, worked up a sweat, yuck.
Kris and I went to the Plaza for a while. We did eat at Brighams. I had texas grilled cheese, three potato chips (yeah for me, only three), and a root beer float. No fries and hey, no pastry. Whoop whoop. Silly, I know, but I feel a bit productive and kinda proud.

I forgot to mention in all my ramblings that I am going to try to go about this by giving up one thing at a time. It may take forever but it sure is worth a try. My first things to totally give up is pastry. But I have a question, are doughnuts pastries? :)

obese?

The typo is on purpose. My funny way of saying I obsess over being obese. HA! Very funny.
I find it unbelievable that Iam obese. I had my annual physical three days ago and that is what my lovely Dr. says. I am obese. I do not feel obese. I must be in denial or something. I mean I Know I am overweight but isn't obese someone who is like 400 lbs or something? Yikes. Sherry, with all her sherry-isms cannot say obese. She says obeast...hits the nail on the head doncha think?
I get angry thinking about all the people who made money inventing delicious foods, like Devil Dogs. And how dare my neighborhood bakery even open its doors. And the inventor of MacDonald's should be shot! And carbs? Who the hell invented carbs?
See, it is not really my fault I am obese. It seems everyone wants me to be (except my Dr.). I mean if they didn't want me to be they wouldn't have put all this this wonderful edible 'stuff' in the world. Right?
My weight loss journey, and I call it a journey because there are flat roads to travel where everything is boring (fruit, salad, water), there are hills to struggle up when I really, really, NEED that pastry or ice cream (DQ just opened for the season), and the down hill journey is when I run, literally, to my car to drive to the bakery.
I just had an epiphany. MacDonald's is a five minute drive, DQ a three minute drive, bakery a two minute drive. Maybe I need to move to where there is no yummy food. Is there anywhere? I have some research to do.
I digress, my weight loss journey began when Kris was about one. I was going through the beginnings of a long divorce (yet another journey) and I never had an appetite. However, Richard Simmons and I worked out together in my living-room everyday. Sweatin to the Oldies...loved it. Loved Richard. And I lost weight, toned muscle and felt great. But I was not eating healthy. I have never really liked healthy foods nor do I enjoy making healthy meals. Give me butter, give me salt! My healthy breakfast was a bowl of Frosted Flakes. Yum. (even now, 18 years later, my fav. breakfast is Fruity Pebbles).
Then my divorce became final and I began to eat...is their such thing as relief eating?
I still did some exercise. I met Dave and we use to walk the beach. It was a total of six miles and I really enjoyed myself. I felt good. So it did take a while for the weight to creep up. Then I found I was too tired or too busy to exercise so I stopped. 17 years later I am still too tired to exersize and now I am obese. Yes, obese.
There is not a psychological trama that happened in my childhood. I was never deprived food. I do not only over eat when I am sad, lonely, happy or excited. I always over eat. I enjoy the act of eating. I enjoy tasting. I love the caucopheny(i have to spell check that one for next time) of flavors zinging around my mouth. mmmmm food. I enjoy the feeling of food, maybe the way an alchoholic enjoys his first drink of the day or a cigarette junkie enjoys their first inhale. I actually moan when I taste something wonderful. (anyone been to the Cheesecake Factory lately?) Often I will not finish what I am eating as I know there is more to come in an hour or two.
I have dieted (i know, not a diet but a change of life style) off and on for many years. Weight Watchers works. I am proof. If you can stay on it. I always do so good, then lose it. On one of my many WW tries I actually lost 45 lbs., felt great, loved myself yadda yadda yadda, but then if I had to count another point I was going to pull my hair out. And I so do NOT believe that eating healthy is a habit because for six months I ate healthy, lost the 45 lbs, then immediatly went back to my 'real' eating habits. And gained 60. Yahoo!
Once, years ago, my Dr. ( a different one then) sent me to a nutritionist. HA. She actually wanted me to incorproate bananas and beets into my daily diet. Oh and fish. Well I absolutely hate all of them so that was a no go. Sigh.
I have tried the grapefruit diet, lasted about a week. I tried the Adkins diet, lasted about a week. I tried the Curves for Women diet. That was a six week program. I lost 17lbs. Great, right? The whole time I was on that diet all I could think of was splurging (at the bakery) when the six weeks was up. And I did. And guess what! I gained that weight back + some, of course.
So here I am, beginning again. I feel determined this time (yeah, ok, like all the other times too). I want this to work. I need this to work. I am hoping to begin by eating in moderation. And riding the exersize bike, starting with ten minutes a day. We shall see.
Lisa says when she began (she's lost 100 lbs. more power to her. yahoo) she did not tell anyone. She just plugged away each and every day. And I remember when she finally told me, she was totally into her new way of life and loving it. I want the same. I always have been an envious type of person. :)
So today I have had two pieces of honey oat toast with I can't believe it's not butter, a bowl (lg) of Lucky Charms with skim milk (i only drink skim, i am so proud of that). And it is after two pm and I am not hungry. But wait, I am thinking about food so I will be hungry in a minute.
I remember when I craved BLT's for two weeks straight, and had at least one a day for two weeks straight. I also believe I have an addictive personality. Joy.
I will try to enter a blog daily to write what has happened food and exersize wise. Luck to me...