obese?

The typo is on purpose. My funny way of saying I obsess over being obese. HA! Very funny.
I find it unbelievable that Iam obese. I had my annual physical three days ago and that is what my lovely Dr. says. I am obese. I do not feel obese. I must be in denial or something. I mean I Know I am overweight but isn't obese someone who is like 400 lbs or something? Yikes. Sherry, with all her sherry-isms cannot say obese. She says obeast...hits the nail on the head doncha think?
I get angry thinking about all the people who made money inventing delicious foods, like Devil Dogs. And how dare my neighborhood bakery even open its doors. And the inventor of MacDonald's should be shot! And carbs? Who the hell invented carbs?
See, it is not really my fault I am obese. It seems everyone wants me to be (except my Dr.). I mean if they didn't want me to be they wouldn't have put all this this wonderful edible 'stuff' in the world. Right?
My weight loss journey, and I call it a journey because there are flat roads to travel where everything is boring (fruit, salad, water), there are hills to struggle up when I really, really, NEED that pastry or ice cream (DQ just opened for the season), and the down hill journey is when I run, literally, to my car to drive to the bakery.
I just had an epiphany. MacDonald's is a five minute drive, DQ a three minute drive, bakery a two minute drive. Maybe I need to move to where there is no yummy food. Is there anywhere? I have some research to do.
I digress, my weight loss journey began when Kris was about one. I was going through the beginnings of a long divorce (yet another journey) and I never had an appetite. However, Richard Simmons and I worked out together in my living-room everyday. Sweatin to the Oldies...loved it. Loved Richard. And I lost weight, toned muscle and felt great. But I was not eating healthy. I have never really liked healthy foods nor do I enjoy making healthy meals. Give me butter, give me salt! My healthy breakfast was a bowl of Frosted Flakes. Yum. (even now, 18 years later, my fav. breakfast is Fruity Pebbles).
Then my divorce became final and I began to eat...is their such thing as relief eating?
I still did some exercise. I met Dave and we use to walk the beach. It was a total of six miles and I really enjoyed myself. I felt good. So it did take a while for the weight to creep up. Then I found I was too tired or too busy to exercise so I stopped. 17 years later I am still too tired to exersize and now I am obese. Yes, obese.
There is not a psychological trama that happened in my childhood. I was never deprived food. I do not only over eat when I am sad, lonely, happy or excited. I always over eat. I enjoy the act of eating. I enjoy tasting. I love the caucopheny(i have to spell check that one for next time) of flavors zinging around my mouth. mmmmm food. I enjoy the feeling of food, maybe the way an alchoholic enjoys his first drink of the day or a cigarette junkie enjoys their first inhale. I actually moan when I taste something wonderful. (anyone been to the Cheesecake Factory lately?) Often I will not finish what I am eating as I know there is more to come in an hour or two.
I have dieted (i know, not a diet but a change of life style) off and on for many years. Weight Watchers works. I am proof. If you can stay on it. I always do so good, then lose it. On one of my many WW tries I actually lost 45 lbs., felt great, loved myself yadda yadda yadda, but then if I had to count another point I was going to pull my hair out. And I so do NOT believe that eating healthy is a habit because for six months I ate healthy, lost the 45 lbs, then immediatly went back to my 'real' eating habits. And gained 60. Yahoo!
Once, years ago, my Dr. ( a different one then) sent me to a nutritionist. HA. She actually wanted me to incorproate bananas and beets into my daily diet. Oh and fish. Well I absolutely hate all of them so that was a no go. Sigh.
I have tried the grapefruit diet, lasted about a week. I tried the Adkins diet, lasted about a week. I tried the Curves for Women diet. That was a six week program. I lost 17lbs. Great, right? The whole time I was on that diet all I could think of was splurging (at the bakery) when the six weeks was up. And I did. And guess what! I gained that weight back + some, of course.
So here I am, beginning again. I feel determined this time (yeah, ok, like all the other times too). I want this to work. I need this to work. I am hoping to begin by eating in moderation. And riding the exersize bike, starting with ten minutes a day. We shall see.
Lisa says when she began (she's lost 100 lbs. more power to her. yahoo) she did not tell anyone. She just plugged away each and every day. And I remember when she finally told me, she was totally into her new way of life and loving it. I want the same. I always have been an envious type of person. :)
So today I have had two pieces of honey oat toast with I can't believe it's not butter, a bowl (lg) of Lucky Charms with skim milk (i only drink skim, i am so proud of that). And it is after two pm and I am not hungry. But wait, I am thinking about food so I will be hungry in a minute.
I remember when I craved BLT's for two weeks straight, and had at least one a day for two weeks straight. I also believe I have an addictive personality. Joy.
I will try to enter a blog daily to write what has happened food and exersize wise. Luck to me...