Wow, I have not published since June....lazy. I actaully forgot all about it. I went on to Beth's "Shades of Purple" blog and was reminded of mine. Well since June I have tried and failed two different well known diets and one on my own. Plus I tried a portion control diet. HA! And I just gave up, again. I mean I really went through a down time because I felt I was a failure. I mean why can't I just control what I put in my mouth. Millions and millions of people are able to do this...but not me. I always think that people look at me and feel pity and gross.(ness?) It made it hard for me to go out in public. I did not want to see my family. I only wanted to watch tv, read and sleep. So I did, for about three months. Then I had a dr. appt. that made me feel real, real bad. So bad that for a week I went to the bakery way too much...ate way too much junk and honestly, saw no veggies or fruit for a loooooonng time. Besides coronary artery disease there is also acid reflux...joy. So it is really time to do something....and I began last Monday, Sept. 8th. I found a great book called "The Idiot Proof Diet". It is a wonderfully honest book. Some of the things the two authors say could have come from my mouth. So for six days now I have had no junk, none, and no diet pepsi or any tonic, and very light amount of carbs....no breads, pastas, cereal, milk, juice, fruit, jam or anything like that. I have eaten and eaten and eaten veggies and cheeses and meats upon meats upon meats. I have not been hungry, but the cravings...oh my god. That has been bad. Chocolate, diet pepsi, chips, chocolate, toast with jam, spaghetti, chocolate, bagels, muffins, english muffins, chocolate, candy bars, cereal, jelly beans, and oh yeah, chocolate. So it has been real real bad but at the same time I am so sick of meat....and veggies...and eggs. I am going to have to come up with some real cool recipies....real soon. And tomorrow is weigh in. Here is an exerpt from the book that helped me begin my diet....something that I needed really badly at the time..I read this on day four of my diet "not feeling 100% is an obstacle that you just have to crash through, which you will, any second now, on your path to slimness. And once you've crashed through it, it's gone forever." Here's hoping...but what a concept! and also day four in the book (bible) ..."you aren't feeling rough because you've done something terrible to yourself. You're feeling rough because you're detoxing from all the things that are really bad for you." Another great, yet obvious concept. Makes me think. Now day three was real bad for me, queazy, headache...day four was worse...queazy, headache and body aches....so now I can equate dieting with the flu...so on day four I not only read the above but I also read day five (yes, I read ahead) Here goes " Remember, it doesn't get any worse than this. From now on, the only way is up. Also remember, we've said this before, but we'll just say it again-you're not feeling bad because you're doing something terrible to yourself. You're feeling bad because you're detoxing from all the sugar, caffeine, and processed rubbish tha was clogging up your system and making you fat and unhealthy. Bear with it. If you're anything lke us, today might very well bet the day when you have an overwhelming urge to give up. Your mind starts playing funny tricks on you:"i'm fine as I am," it tells you. "So I'm on the pudgy side So what? I'm happy. life's too short for these kinds of sacrifices. and I want a cookie" It is important that you see this for what it is "a trick" Self sabotage, to be precise- a talent most serial dieters have in spades. It's time to knock it on the head once and for all. If you were happy with the way you looked, you wouldn't have picked up this book. Thats the truth of it. The other truth is that you've nearly completed week one, and that with this way of eating, as with others, your body is reprogramming itself every day, evey hour, every minute. Soon it will barely register irritation (or furious rage) at not having sugary snacks shoved down its gullet every half an hour. so stick with us" LOVE IT. It has helped me through the last two days, greatly. I read that when I was almost in tears ready to give up...and then, or since then, I have been ok...not great...but ok. I still think about food all the time. And in time I can induldge...a bit. I hope. So I'll be back tomorrow with my weight loss. Now I have not told many people I am dieting...just that I am adding healthy foods into my life :)