I cannot even remember when I wrote last...but I took the weekend off of the gym and it felt soooo good and relaxed. aaaaaahhhh. I am still not on a good eating plan...but I have faith that will come.
So then I began this week at the gym on Mon. at 5 AM and again Tues. at 530 AM. Very bad day Tues. Too tight pants, almost fell...very sluggish...took today off and will go both Thurs and Fri. off. I almost seem to be wanting to go....am I ill.
Watched finale of Biggest Loser. What an accomplishment they have each achieved. Man, some of them looked great. Some of them lost upwards of 100 lbs. Amazing. perserverance...will power...the want to do it...the need to do it...a miracle...i fell sick right now thinking about what a failure i am in this aspect of life. a wuss. a friggen spaghetti noodle all cooked, soft and gooey. that's me. Why do I feel so out of control of every aspect of eating. Why can I not just say that this is it...I am going to eat right from now on. I've seen my mother quit smoking much more easily that it is for me to eat right. Although she is the exception. I have known many people to quit smoking and she is the only one who did great with no cheating and handled it very impressively. Me, handling eating right, not going so well.
Kraft foods has some great 'meals' that would work well for lunch and they are ok. Some Ritz crackers, a couple pieces of turkey, cubes of cheese, grapes, red peppers with ranch dressing on the side and 100 cal. pack for dessert. Sounds great. Now to just actually get them and pack them for lunch. And then not to go across the street and buy a Snickers or a Devil Dog or a bag of chips... sigh. Now I am hungry.